Collect yourself ~

It’s Monday morning. More like Monday madness for me, but whatever. Made it a bit early to work, so I figured I scribble my thoughts for the day. Then…. BAM, the idea of a perfect life came to me; how I’d love a life that happened to be so. As accurate as I wish that was, it’s been far from fabulous, really. In fact, I’m certain that if someone were to put a magnifying glass up to your series of events, it wouldn’t be crystal clear either. You just never know what you get with the eight-ball of life. It’s kind of like those “magic 8 ball” gadgets nowadays (gosh, how I would hate those darn things). You see, it’s not how you shake it that matters, it’s how you place it after you’ve registered the outcome of it. These mysterious knickknacks in actual life are pretty tricky. “Ask again later” or “not now” never settled my inquisitions. I’d have to shake it up a million more times to get the desirable answer.
How does your 8-ball of life look? I’ve seen this sad translation one too many times. People are caught up with the pressures of everyday living, get all shaken up, and are content with the first “out” to the crisis. NO
That’s not how it should be, nor should it be desired in that manner.
The end of the truth lies on one fine string of “get over it, keep moving”. Make your outcome, figure out the results, wrangle for the conclusion. It’s not over until you say it is. No one lives a perfect Picasso, but keep painting.

If life isn’t about anything else, let it be about this: a balance of the imbalance. The collection of your life is like a collection of photographs: clustered. scrambled. divergent.

Look at your brokenness, pick up the pieces, and get it together. Collect yourself.

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WO•MAN

Woman: /ˈwo͝omən/
1 a : an adult female person b : a woman belonging to a particular category
2: womankind: of distinctive feminine nature; a sweetheart or paramour.

For a small moment, I’d like to think our image representation is spot on. In a magical world, we all live oh so perfectly, dazzled in dignity and anchoring ourselves in who we are. The peak of ideality would be that this generation does a tremendous job at matching the word to it’s definition. Instead, we find ourselves at the bottom of this dreamy cinema, in mere hopes of somehow climbing up to our desperate expectations.
Let’s flip to the page of reality, bring you down from Cloud 9, and welcome you to the brokenness of what we call “women”.
What happens to a world that has yet to seek out the definition of a woman? To a generation that has lost respect in every crevice, every dimension and to every extent of God’s exquisite creation? The problem is this: the cocoon of woman-culture has gone through metamorphosis, and this hideous creature is no longer a culture, but an object.
Women have become immune to how this world addresses them; our community is callous. I guess we’ve been bruised by acceptance too many times to count and the lack of respect would explain the presence of numbness.
We are life, we give birth, we are the Eves to our Adams, the mother of nurture, the nature of beauty, the beauty in love. Yet, we’ve become nothing less than lusted for, nothing more than bashed upon, and somehow, in our clearest moment of rationality, we have come in agreement, acceptance and admittance with this. Our objective is not to be an object. We live ever so comfortably in the vulgarity of today. We’ve made it our home, adorning our walls, making our beds in this trash-house, and we are left timid when respect comes knocking at our door.

It saddens me to think that there’s the slightest chance of hopelessness for us. To assume that it may be too late to evaluate our errors, chip off our reputation, and re-construct womanhood. But, I blindly believe in the power of redemption, and ladies, it is never too late. We are complicated beings assembled in the most complex of forms seeking the simplest of desires: the need of being loved, and the love of being needed. To feel beautiful without being called a bad “B”, to feel womanly without the applause for being a size “D”, to feel wanted and appreciated, loved and valued for the depths of your heart, the impact of your intellect and not for what’s beneath your attire.

Do you see what I see?
I see skin. Faces and skin. Gorgeous women of the loveliest of colors, from the finest of countries, lavished in sweet aroma, perfectly painted, fittingly clothed, and ready to be unwrapped by the eyes of many.
We’ve allowed the image of our bodies to represent the image of our existence, and for that, the world will never forgive us. They made it all about “it” but, what about us? America has made it clear: what we can offer trumps who we are.
I hear the screeching cry of attention and its many disguises. A subtle masquerade of hunger for approval. A severe longing, a painful yearning, a frightful craving. The manner that women are being referred to nowadays leaves a bitter, putrid taste in my mouth. If we can vomit every cheap deed we’ve consumed and every repulsive word we’ve eaten, maybe we can save ourselves from eating at the table with disrespect again.
Where did we go wrong? Women are no longer founded on the delicacies of honor. Somewhere down the road, our definition has been blemished and damaged, contorted and deformed.

Power cannot be given by those who lack it. The only reason why we come against one another, without empowering one another, is because we lack the evidence of true confidence. We were designed to be the art of humanity, not objects of obscenity. We are mosaics and paintings, poems and soliloquies.
Different, peculiar, supreme, unique, customized, superlative, distinct.
Our existence is non-reliant on a definition freely disposed of, or easily tampered with.
So, thank you America for the intimidation of what a woman should be in your eyes, but I’ll pass.
To the culture that has gone through hell, yet still remains wondrous and heavenly:
Define yourself. Exhibit yourself.

Woman: I own it.

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Kiss you goodbye.

Dead petals.
Betwixt
Past love, present pain
You were beautiful and vivid
Lively, lovely
You gave air
Gentle despair
Dead petals.
You are ravishing, darling.
Idle, yet mesmerizing.
Alluring my memory
Back to what it
used to be
And now it seems to me
That it seems to be
Gone.
I still feel
your dainty gestures
your fleshly textures
the pink-skinned petals
The memory of your existence
is enticing, tempting.
A beautiful mess my mind
Entangles in
Dead petals.
You are the reason.
The reason for my joy,
The cause of my pain.
The irony
A stunning catastrophe
You were, you are, you will be
beloved

Dead petals, I must disarm your charm.
Death isn’t pretty,
but you, petals, are heavenly.
I must create a wall
between the
perplexity.
death | petals
Dear death,
what was once alive
I kiss you goodbye.

Dear petals,
Until next time.

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Dedicated to Genoveva Vazquez:
10.15.1930 – 2.6.2014

Triple Threat

Fear is like a leech. Deathly, exhausting, life-sucking. It cripples and penetrates; permeating your deepest desires and aspirations. It’s like cancer: much hated and far too common. It drains all evidence of hope and any remains of optimism. It’s contagious. It’s viral. It lingers, with a horrid stench. There’s a fear for fear itself simply because it’s inevitable. The absence of fear would mean the absence of courage. So, as much as it is hated, it is very well needed. Almost like the sun and moon, these two opposites go hand-in-hand, and without one, there would be no other. Ironic, I know.
If you were told you were going to be involved in a car crash tomorrow, what would you do? What if you were told that you couldn’t do anything about it; there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. “It will happen, no matter what you do”. How would you react?
Fear is very much like this cinematic crash. It happens, to any given one… at any given time. It’ll creep up on you at the most unexpected moment, and demand an expected response. The only thing society has succeeded at is giving us the license to fear failure, and ultimately to fail at fear. What do you do? Moreover, what can you do? I’ve tapped into my safe haven, where my sanity resides. It’s an instant instinct; it’s automatic, and effective. The greatest rebuttal you can give this world is your triumph. And like everything else in life, no victory is evident without preceding preparation.

Pray. Plan. Proceed.

This is the “how-to”, the recipe to dig deep, underneath, beneath and seize fear by it’s roots. We give this catastrophic phenomena too much credit. Fear is meant to be a feeling, not a lifestyle. It’s normal…to be scared out of your wits, to have a frightful adrenaline running through your veins in certain instances that you’re approached by. I have a fearful disgust for bugs; I hate them, absolutely hate them. I’m afraid of needles, horrified of witnessing a fire, oh, and immensely terrified of waking up late for work.
It’s natural: this feeling called fear. Actually, we live with it, we all do. It's inhabited in our everyday lives, but what do you do with it, and how do you go about it?
I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel vivid, frenzied, spontaneous and at times luminous.
I feel fear.
I am not fear.
And when it knocks at my door, I stop and think.
Pray. Plan. Proceed.

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Gold Digger

I never want to lose it.
People look for it, attempt to buy it, substitute it, bargain it.
Seldom do they treasure it.
I’ve always been fascinated by infatuation. What people thrive off of, what intrigues them, what flames their fire. As diverse as each individual walking planet Earth is, there is one thing that stands true across the board: value is valued.
Gold has been dug for years because of it’s value and scarcity. Diamonds and gems have been sought due to their high-end worth. The search of value is a ceaseless attempt in this world. Thousands upon thousands of years solely dedicated to the pursuit of what we already possess. The biggest mistake, I believe, that people make is the lack of self-investment. To know the capabilities of yourself, to find the oddities mingled with strengths, intertwined with flaws and still stand in a room full of people, yet know the value of one; the value of you. A flawless translation of admiration in the finest of manners – one of the strongest attributes aspired for. The blueprint of your mind is quite like the fingerprint of your soul: unmatched. Gold has never been more valuable than genius. The richest ideas have yet to be conceived, the greatest words have yet to be spoken, the most legendary actions have yet to be demonstrated and the loveliest of feelings have yet to be felt. Those of tangible items we can appraise amount to nothing we can conceive. Mind. Body. Soul.
The formula to luxury is threaded within one’s DNA, within the habitant of your existence.
Find your mind, use your body, discover your soul. We are a work of art, fabricated with wealth, dripped in gold, painted, splattered, bathed in richness.

What if we wasted time seeking value in this world, when all along, the world was seeking the value in us? Individualism is a beautiful thing; it’s priceless. Don’t lose it, treasure it, for others look for it, and have yet to find it. 20140721-173452-63292903.jpg